i had to turn the phone off. after a devastating phone call from a friend, i just din think i had the energy to listen to anything or anyone. at times, u just want to turn off the phone and be uncontactable. u dun want to communicate with anyone. u dun want to hear their opinions, their complains, their anything ; because many a times, its the closest's people's comments that hurts the most. i really din want to have to tell my collegues that i was" looking into the sea" again when in actual fact i was mourning the pain.

letting go of a hope that has been the catalyst for holding 2 jobs over the past 2months is not easy. i keep holding onto it, trying to fight for what i want, trying to make the hope a reality but as the clock ticks ticks second by second, i find this dream moving further away from me. maybe one day when it does become a reality i will laugh at my comment for being over-dramatic.... i don't know. but right now, things just look bleak.

i don't know. i really don't know. apparently this word seems to be a word i use very very often now.

Busyness, an illusion of purpose? when we're busy, its really easy to mistake that as purpose in our lives. we're just rushing to meet pressing deadlines. but when we dun have deadlines anymore or responsibilities, what is our purpose? do we change purpose? or is a purpose supposed to be omnipresent?

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/Alissa
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